Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
