Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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