i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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