What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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