is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
