woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
