New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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