Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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