i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
