Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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