A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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