My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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