There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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