New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love having hate sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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