My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
