OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
