i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
