I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
