I could have mohawked her pubes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
