i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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