My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
