you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
