That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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