and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
