probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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