I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
