Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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