Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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