Please don't use social media to get back at me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
