literally had 100 drinks last night.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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