I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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