If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
