i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
