I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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