U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
