Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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