I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
