So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
