it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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