OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
