There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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