matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
