U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
