Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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