i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
