i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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