Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
