they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
