Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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