Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
