I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
