The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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