you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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